Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday Fabulous?

You know, just because I am incapable of maintaining a chipper schedule filled with artful alliterations and endearing eclectic amusements doesn't mean others shouldn't. As was stated in my very first paragraph, my inabilities to endure, engage, and otherwise exude on a consistent basis do not exclude others from the same responsibilities. The point was never that I didn't want to read your creations. It was that I didn't want to feel the pressure to contribute my own. It wasn't that there is something wrong with one legitimate literary device or another. It was that despite all of the wonderful things in my life, sometimes I'm just plain grumpy. And I suppose if I didn't make that clear, and somehow sent a different message, then I should clarify, correct, and concede. I love having friends. And whether I hear from you by blog post or by internet social network or by wearing too much blue eyeshadow at the state fair, you make my life a better place to be. Even when I'm grumpy. And also, it was that I have more friends than Angelina Jolie. Which makes me better than her, I'm sure of it. I guess I'm just worried, you see earlier this week I had to text a sibling to communicate that I was not offended about a ridiculous communication that had been happening. And here's the kicker. It was a joke I thought I had started. But apparently I have a reputation for offending or taking offense where none was taken, intended, or accepted. So i'm putting this out to the universe too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you feel slighted that I'm not going to participate in the weekly themed post. I admire those that can do it, and I enjoy reading them, but I'm not up for that added pressure in my own life. I'm sorry if my political opinions are too strong, I'm sorry if my humor is too crass, I'm sorry if my voice is too loud, I'm sorry that I just won't accomplish my "to do" list this week, I'm sorry that I ate as much ice cream as I did, I'm sorry.

But here is who I am, and I promised myself I couldn't lie about it. It's part of "I Bei Momenti". You can't re-discover happiness if you aren't re-discovering yourself. And the fact is, I need rediscovering, and even reinventing in some of those previously discovered places that the depression changed. And you can't lay hold of the "beautiful moments" if you are pressuring yourself to write about them instead of going out and discovering them. So that's the part I'm not apologizing for. I'll still speak up. I'll still speak up about who I am and how I am. Because writing about it is how I figure it out.

So here's to my fabulous friday. I worked all week in a classroom that I love. Two of my very favorite babies were there, and they gave me hugs and fell asleep in my arms and let me love them and made my job worthwhile. We are starting some great music in choir, which you will all hear soon enough, and I even went out on an actual date that didn't leave me paralyzed with fear and tongue-tied like a kid licking a lamppost in January. I enjoyed class, I turned in homework, I got paid, and I ate too much ice cream. I laughed, I gossiped, I swore, I sang, I cried, I lectured, I listened, and I'm going to take a bubble bath. Right Now. And when I am done, I expect to see that you have all posted your friday favorites for me to read.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Yesterday's News

I'm not making excuses for my blogging absence. Just know that if I'm not posting its because I'm using my spare time to do something I love more. And if I am posting, its because I want to. See how easy it is? Of course, that doesn't give any of you an excuse to slack off in your blogging, since I am interested in your comings and goings and you should be responsible about sharing them with me. Got it? This is not a double standard.

I was thinking I could start doing some sort of clever weekly post to motivate me to type at least something. But you know me. Rebellion would turn my Friday Favorites into saturday supers and sunday somethings and monday musings and eventually I would simply declare that I was done conforming to alliterative themes. I decided it would be better for all of us if I just didn't bother starting. Why put that pressure on myself and everyone around me?

And it would be pressure. You know, being chipper and positive online, letting everyone know that my life has become 52 Wonderful Wednesdays occuring in nicely spaced 7 day intervals, as reliable as getting cut off when trying to merge onto I-15. I don't want to give anyone a wrong impression. Sometimes life sucks. Even for people who in reality have it pretty good.

I mean, look at Angelina Jolie. Yesterday she was front page news on Yahoo (I know, what a reliable source...) because she confessed to some reporter that she is lonely. That's right. Angelina doesn't have any friends. Because no one can relate to her plight. You see, she has pressures. She is a sexual icon who acts as the UN good will ambassador, and has to leave her children with their nanny in order to travel around the world spending her millions of dollars helping everyone suffering from natural disasters. In fact, I don't know that there is anyone on the planet who can even begin to relate to that. Except maybe Brad Pitt. And how many people do you know that would trade her for her place? Think about it, millions of dollars, opportunities to right wrongs, beautiful children and a spouse who some would call attractive, personal trainers, a perfect body, those lips that look like they've been freshly pumped with collagen.... I could go on.

But the poor dear doesn't have any friends. Because what would they talk about? Work? Family? Politics? Seriously, who wants to listen to that woman complain?

Meanwhile, hundreds of women that I know have terrifying struggles every day. Will I make the rent? Can someone watch the kids so I don't throw them in a pond? How will I get to the grocery store this week? Is my boss going to fire me? Is my marriage falling apart? What loved one is ill, how do I support them and prepare myself for whatever that may bring? Did I offend that person? Did that person offend me? Did they mean to? How will I graduate from college? How will I pay for college? Homework, chores, laundry, car maintenance, children, relationships... the list goes on. And if the Landlord shows up and notices you haven't mowed the lawn yet, well that may just be the straw that breaks the camels back.

But still the alliterative blog post reflects perfection. Because if we can't have the perfect life for real, we may as well have it in public. Here's where we miss the boat though. Because, you see, unlike poor Angelina, we have friends. So we do the opposite of her. She lives her perfect worry free life and publicly complains of imperfections. We stress and cry and plow away then publicly proclaim our happiness. Maybe thats because our very best friends listen to us and share their own problems with us and we collectively and respectively listen, help, love and comfort. So by the time we are faced with our own personal press, we really are pretty happy with our imperfect lives.

Which means, in the end, that poor friendless Angelina really is worse off than all of the rest of us.

So I guess after a crappy and stressful week working a job that I resent a little more each day and worrying about papers and money and diets, what I really need to post is a HUGE thank you. To all my friends, near and far, close and distant, new and old, and loved in every way, you guys make my life better than Angelina Jolie's.