You know, just because I am incapable of maintaining a chipper schedule filled with artful alliterations and endearing eclectic amusements doesn't mean others shouldn't. As was stated in my very first paragraph, my inabilities to endure, engage, and otherwise exude on a consistent basis do not exclude others from the same responsibilities. The point was never that I didn't want to read your creations. It was that I didn't want to feel the pressure to contribute my own. It wasn't that there is something wrong with one legitimate literary device or another. It was that despite all of the wonderful things in my life, sometimes I'm just plain grumpy. And I suppose if I didn't make that clear, and somehow sent a different message, then I should clarify, correct, and concede. I love having friends. And whether I hear from you by blog post or by internet social network or by wearing too much blue eyeshadow at the state fair, you make my life a better place to be. Even when I'm grumpy. And also, it was that I have more friends than Angelina Jolie. Which makes me better than her, I'm sure of it. I guess I'm just worried, you see earlier this week I had to text a sibling to communicate that I was not offended about a ridiculous communication that had been happening. And here's the kicker. It was a joke I thought I had started. But apparently I have a reputation for offending or taking offense where none was taken, intended, or accepted. So i'm putting this out to the universe too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you feel slighted that I'm not going to participate in the weekly themed post. I admire those that can do it, and I enjoy reading them, but I'm not up for that added pressure in my own life. I'm sorry if my political opinions are too strong, I'm sorry if my humor is too crass, I'm sorry if my voice is too loud, I'm sorry that I just won't accomplish my "to do" list this week, I'm sorry that I ate as much ice cream as I did, I'm sorry.
But here is who I am, and I promised myself I couldn't lie about it. It's part of "I Bei Momenti". You can't re-discover happiness if you aren't re-discovering yourself. And the fact is, I need rediscovering, and even reinventing in some of those previously discovered places that the depression changed. And you can't lay hold of the "beautiful moments" if you are pressuring yourself to write about them instead of going out and discovering them. So that's the part I'm not apologizing for. I'll still speak up. I'll still speak up about who I am and how I am. Because writing about it is how I figure it out.
So here's to my fabulous friday. I worked all week in a classroom that I love. Two of my very favorite babies were there, and they gave me hugs and fell asleep in my arms and let me love them and made my job worthwhile. We are starting some great music in choir, which you will all hear soon enough, and I even went out on an actual date that didn't leave me paralyzed with fear and tongue-tied like a kid licking a lamppost in January. I enjoyed class, I turned in homework, I got paid, and I ate too much ice cream. I laughed, I gossiped, I swore, I sang, I cried, I lectured, I listened, and I'm going to take a bubble bath. Right Now. And when I am done, I expect to see that you have all posted your friday favorites for me to read.
Really Quick and Yummy Rolls
8 months ago