My Successful Diet

Now I do not want to jinx this. But today I was dancing with the kids and my pants started to fall down. Because they are too big. WAAAAY too big. and I like them that way. Well, not in the falling-down , saggy-bottom sort of way, but in the not-too-tight, maybe-I-should-buy-new-clothes sort of way. And I can fix the falling down bit with a belt, so no big deal. I thought, in the spirit of giving and sharing info online, I should post for you my diet secrets. This is important info, so pay attention!

First, Do not spend your evenings curled up in the fetal position after eating a pint of Ice Cream. It turns out that curling up in the fetal position does not burn as many calories as you think it does, no matter how hard you have to try to wrap your arms around your legs that will not fold into your generous belly. Nope, those don't count as calories burned, not even as yoga points.

Second, you could just skip the Ice Cream altogether. It's just a suggestion, not to be taken every night, but maybe 6 nights out of 7, you should cut back on the pint. How about a full pint once a week and half a pint once a week? That way you can enjoy a little on, say, Weds, and that will tide you over until Saturday when you go to Cold Stone for that "Love It" sized oatmeal cookie batter Ice cream with brownies and coconut mixed in.... (and the waffle bowl. NEVER forget the waffle bowl. That's the good part.) Oh, uh, diet secrets? Yeah, back to that.


Third, as nice as it is to spend a few hours surreptisiously reading a book you didn't pay for in a Barnes and Noble Cafe with a melon italian soda and a spinach feta pretzel, you could go hiking some nights instead. Find a mountain somewhere and climb it. (We have quite a few here, I am willing to lend you one, or to walk with you.) Wander through a canyon, follow a brook, enjoy the changing leaves and walk until your legs and lungs start to burn a little, then turn around and walk back. If you do not have access to any mountains, I am not quite sure how to help you.

Fourth, drink milk, not milkshakes. All that caclium that you used to get from Ice Cream has to be replaced, and it turns out that a glass of milk is as filling as that bowl of Rocky road or that DQ Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard. It's also more filling and nutritious than Orange Juice. Although I wouldn't cut out the orange juice completely. I'll get to that next.

Fifth, and finally, eat breakfast like a kindergartener. Have a bowl of cereal, a piece of fruit, some yogurt or an orange juice and toast. Hiding in your bed until the last possible moment before you have to run to work is not only anti-social, but it also leaves your blood sugar so low that instead of having a sensible morning, you find yourself ravenously snacking on anything placed in front of you. With a kindergartener's breakfast in you, you will find yourself able to say "No" to the chocolate cake leftover in the break room (it's stale anyways) and the Cheezits you have stashed away in your file drawer. If you must buy a ridiculous sugar cereal with a cartoon character on the front in order to encourage yourself out of bed, then do it. The extra sugar calories in that will be nothing compared to the things you can find in people's candy dishes around the office.

There you have it! Nancy's successful diet. I can't make many promises as to how many pounds you could lose, but I am already down 20. I am sure that eventually I will have to cut out the weekly Cafe Rio in order to drop another 20, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. (Or else I will simply jump on the bridge, and it will collapse.)