"Well does he take you out dancing just so he can hold you close?"

I do not claim any expertise in the realms of romance and relationships. Due to my lack of social skills and my general inability to speak with members of the opposite gender, what I know I know from two sources: observation and movies. You have every right to scoff at my credentials. I scoff at my credentials. There is something to be said for learning things from movies. It's all fake, and yet the fact that they still sell the same plot line for billions of dollars each year reveals something about the audience. There is something to be said for my observation experience. I have attended no fewer than 35 weddings. I have lived with no fewer than 42 brides. I have made cakes and dresses, advised on photography, assisted in announcement selection and bustled more gowns than most people will ever see in real life, and through all of that I have been privy to the details of the relationship. So while learning through observation may lack the experience, it also lacks the pain, and it may lack the broken hearts, but the perspective is well-rounded. I see both people from the outside. I see both strengths and faults from the outside. So when something comes crumbling to pieces, or even just to a bump in the road, and everyone is looking for someone to blame, I can easily see how traits of both individuals combined to create a disaster. That's right folks, I am a career third wheel, eternally the comic sidekick, the "best friend" from the movies that meets the heroine for lunch and makes funny comments and encourages her to choose true love. There are so many terms for it. Most recently someone even referred to me as the "Duffy" (If you don't know what that stands for, then you probably have one, and it it might even be me). That term is a little harsh, but you get the picture. My credentials may include the scared rabbit look, but they also include some close looks that very few people get to see.
I find it interesting, then ,when I am placed in the awkward position of having to defend romance. I certainly do not believe in the conventional idea and the image the movies promote. Perhaps the best description would be to say that I don't believe in romance, I believe in love. But that comes off as a tad too cheesy for my taste. This is all coming up because I am yet again in a position of defending a recently engaged friend, and defending her to her own fears and doubts. So as I consider all the emotion of the situation, it is coming out here. Here you must endure my opinion, my stand on love and romance. My friend has been feed those Disney philosophies her whole life, and blended with them a portion of LDS culture that is part truth part tradition. This blog isn't about her, but I thought you should know where the thoughts are coming from. This blog is actually about the phrase "She could do better"
I hate this phrase.
Not only is it inappropriate, judgemental and uninformed, I would add that it is at best hurtful and at worst plain mean.
I have heard tell that a relationship is only as good as the people involved. My observation has been that a relationship is as good as the best things that each person has to offer. As far as the worst things go, a relationship is for working out the kinks. We believe we have an eternity to do that. This is where I get up in arms about the phrase "She could do better" The question that comes from my heart is "Is there really anyone better?"
I know some remarkable women. Look at my list of roommates, and you are guaranteed to read about more than a few remarkable women. And some of those women spent some painful years being overlooked, ignored, and even snubbed by the guys that might fit the "better" category that we think remarkable women deserve. I have seen my friends wait patiently through crushes, blind dates, bad boyfriends and pressure to get married. I have seen them struggle to better themselves, trying to figure out what is wrong with themselves. Then one day, someone comes along who sees the remarkable in them, and we judge them to be socially wrong somehow? The fact is, he sees the remarkable in her when no one else did. And that makes him remarkable.
Social "wrongness" can be fixed. We are all learning and hoping someone will forgive us for the person we were when we were 19. We are even hoping someone will forgive us for continuing to act 19 when we are in fact 37. Shouldn't we be willing to offer that forgiveness to someone else? She is. That's part of what makes her remarkable. Put together, a remarkable woman who is willing to work and forgive and love, and a remarkable man who is willing to see and serve and grow, that is just how I would define a good relationship.
That is how I would define romance.
It is not in loudly proclaiming perfection, but in your faults, because you are willing to grow out of them together. It is not in the perfect date (at the football game with a pretzel) but it is in the nacho cheese because you are willing to serve each other. It is not in constantly agreeing with the other, but it is in correction that is born of love. It is not in the awkward social moments and scared rabbit looks, but it is in the failures that are forgiven. It is not in the bottomless bank account or the image of happiness, but it is in the successes that are shared. It is not in the ball gown and the tiara. It is in the dance.
Go ahead and call me bitter.