Nancy's Head: Inside Edition

There are voices in my head. Robert Fulghum referred to them as a "committee". I refer to mine as the "commit-me". Clever, huh? The thing is, I think we all have voices in our heads. At the very least, we have contrasting perspectives and opinions that battle it out until a decision is made. I am not sure how they manifest themselves in other people's heads, but in my head, they are voices and the voices form a committee and the committee determines my actions. There are varied voices, some that get more face time than others, and the voices have other voices that either support them or argue against them.

Would you like to meet a few of them?

Tonight I am feeling pretty balanced, so most of the voices have equal footing. It's the best time to meet them. Otherwise, you have to listen to an argument or even worse, just one of them. And just one of these voices, unchecked, can be horribly mean.

First, meet "Paranoid". Paranoid first appeared in junior high, and I had almost gotten rid of him entirely when I took a psych class in college. I learned in psychology that paranoia is a symptom of crazy, at which point I immediately became paranoid that I was crazy, thus confirming my self-diagnosis by attaching the symptom to the disease (it's a downward spiral). Since then, Paranoid has taken up permanent residence with another voice in my head, "Crazy". They are best friends. Paranoid has most recently fixated on my job. He thinks they are out to get me. (By which I mean fire me, not kill me.) Crazy might agree with Paranoid, but is too pre-occupied with how much more successful my brothers and sisters are than me. He's been spending time with Competitive and with Grandma. But you can see how the two ideas, (that I am going to lose my job and that my siblings are more successful than me), really work together and love each other.

Lest you think there is any validity to the negativity of that paragraph, let me now introduce you to two other voices that room together. I call them "Sane" and "Cynic". Sane knows that I have a job, that I am good at my job, and that I will only lose it if the entire center closes due to low enrollment. Cynic is friends with sane because they frequently agree. Well, not entirely, but they at least find each other amusing. Plus, Cynic gets a whole lot of voice time, so I force him to consult with Sane as frequently as possible. They balance each other, and together, they balance out Crazy and Paranoid.

Cynic has another good friend, called "Logic". Cynic calls on Logic as backup and support all the time. Logic doesn't always support Cynic, but Cynic still uses him. I actually force Logic to live with "Dreamer", just because sometimes Dreamer needs to be kept in check. They can't stand each other, but they are not allowed to voice an opinion without consulting each other. I am also trying to make "Hopeful" spend more time with these guys, but for some reason, Hopeful has latched on to Terrified, and he buries her every time she tries to speak up. I am trying to feed Hopeful more chocolate ice cream so she can regain her strength.

Not all of the voices in my head have roommates or friends. There are a few loners in the mix. Lazy is a loner, mostly because she doesn't make the effort to make friends. I'm not sure that I would want her to move in with anyone either, since Lazy combined with anyone else could spell committee disaster. The other real loner in my head is "Dumb Girl". Dumb Girl has been popping up a lot more since coming back to Utah and having friends again. Dumb Girl tries to make friends with people, but generally she gets squashed by all the other voices on the committee. She is, after all, quite weak. It's OK, she never has anything intelligent to say anyways. About the only thing she does contribute is unwarranted concern for people (especially males and children) and she really likes babies. I mean really. That's when she gets loud. Oh, and sometimes she tries to flirt, but she really bad at it.

Along with Lazy and Dumb Girl, There is another voice I try to suppress as much as possible. Her name is "Suzy Utah". She is the voice that offers to crochet, quilt, and bake things. She doesn't just offer, she is convinced that those things will cure all ills. And she likes Mormon pop music. Sometimes she requests Kozy 106 on Sundays and I even let her own one CD of the BYU Young Ambassadors from back in the day. She got a lot more face time while I was at BYU. Now mostly I try very very hard to keep her away from Dumb Girl. Can you imagine?

I would kick Suzy Utah and Dumb Girl out entirely, except for one voice that continues to allow them in. Her name is "Spiritual Sue" and she likes to give everyone a chance, except for Lazy. I would love to report that Spiritual Sue always runs the show, but she doesn't. She does a good job at advocating love and kindness and patience and such, and she really knows her scriptures. but she gets to be a bit too much for Cynic and Paranoid and Crazy, and when the three of them all agree on something, not much can be done. Sometimes, she teams up with Gospel Scholar, and the two of them really get things done.

Time is running short, and you haven't even gotten to meet "Anxious", "Depressed", "Smarty-Pants", or "Calm". I'm glad you already have met Funny Guy.

I'm just not sure that any of us would really make a whole person without a committee in our heads. Just imagine if you were trying to listen to, say, the President's speech on economic crisis, and you only let one voice run the commentary and response in your head. Dumb Girl wouldn't even understand what was happening, Suzy Utah would respond with a laissez-faire attitude, Gospel Scholar might see the end of the world, and Cynic would probably go seeking out Paranoid's apartment so they could have a party watching re-runs of 24. Logic would listen and agree, and without allowing other voices to question, no real thought process would ever happen. And Lazy would fall asleep, dragging Hopeful for a bigger tax refund with her. You see, nothing would ever really be resolved. But all of the voices combined ask good questions and force Lazy to stay awake looking for a tax break and forcing Dumb Girl to go sit in a corner with her head in the sand.

So next time we are chatting and you don't like what I am saying, you might try the TV psychiatrist approach to my committee. Just ask to speak with someone else.