Saturday is a special day...

It's getting late, and I am sitting in front of my computer resisting the urge to pull up another episode of NCIS online and watch as I drift off into happy dreams of Mark Harmon and "Agent DiNozzo". But the fact is, I haven't updated for a week, and I have about 4 posts that I started throughout this week and never ended because I was either entirely too exhausted or just plain feeling negative, I went back and re-read them in hopes of reviving something, but to no avail. One may be salvageable, but doesn't entirely reflect me tonight, so it will wait. The rest have been trashed.

I have decided what I want to be when I grow up. But before I unveil the big plans for my future, I have to ask, who voted for "cat lady on welfare?" I suppose you don't have to show yourself if you don't want to, I'm just curious who dares to be soooo funny in my time of crisis? I like you, whoever you are.

So are you ready for my big reveal? Are you on the edge of your seat? Don't worry, you won't need to grip the keyboard or anything. Because the thing that I am going to be when I grow up is...

Happy.

Oh yes, of course, you are thinking, that's what we all want.

Well, yes, you all want it, but how many people actually go out and get it?

But it's not a carreer.

Nope.

I have a job that pays my bills. And I am grateful for it even when I am frustrated with it beyond belief. And I will continue to search for a better job that pays my bills with a little elbow room, but the fact is, my job does not define me.
Let me clarify a little.

This was a rough week at work. The exhausting kind in which it feels like friday afternoon starting on Tuesday morning. The kids were unruly, the boss only served to aggravate the situation, and by the real Friday night I barely had the ability to contain the exhaustion tears until I got to my car after work. Then came Saturday. I ran errands. I did grocery shopping and I picked up a birthday present and I chatted with a few people and I debated moving around my furniture (a frequent Saturday activity of mine) then I went to dinner with friends. Good friends. The kind I don't have to worry about saying the wrong things or the right things with. The kind that will laugh at me and with me and it's just normal fun. The evening wasn't a spectacular spectacular, it was relaxed and easy. It was the kind of night that is exaclty what is needed after an exhausting week. And I could afford the eating out without anxiety over budgets. And I could look my friends in the eyes and smile and trust the love and respect we have grown for each other. And I could laugh easily and I could dump or gripe if I wanted to, but I found that I didn't want to. Because I felt happy. Not giddy, not ecstatic, not entertained or entertaining, just happy. And I liked it. And I decided that I can work whatever job I have, or whatever job comes along, and I can still be Nancy the Happy Person. Why am I stressing over all the rest of that stuff? Who says I have to have a career? I never wanted to be rich. I just want to make ends meet. And also, I wanted to be happy. When did we start losing sight of that anyways?

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to be a grown up, and decide what they want and how to acheive it. For some people, that comes with raising and supporting a family, for some people, it means finding fulfillment in a career, for some it means building a secure retirement, and for me it means simply being happy. I will make the appropriate course changes as they come, but for now, I'm pulling up an episode of NCIS.

Good night!