Cyberbullying? Really?

I've been absent for a while.  That's fine.  My head is in school and choir and all sorts of good things. 
But as always, I return to here when I need to write. And I need to write.

This is an open letter.  Meaning since I do not know to whom I should address this, I address it to everyone. 

I've gotten some harassment lately.  It came to the email address that is associated with my facebook account.  And it came anonymously.  Thus all I know about the sender is that they are probably my facebook "friend".  You'll see why I use that term loosely.

Apparently I'm fat. 

OK, well, really I knew that. 

Apparently, this sender feels it is their duty to inform me that I am fat and unattractive and irresponsible.  And they somehow have reasoned that while it is their duty to inform me, it is also their right to remain anonymous while doing so.

I would like to rant about how unsigned words have no power, but clearly they do, because here I am responding to them in the only way I can.  So instead of responding with off-the-cuff irritation, I am going to reason through a few things here. Its not that your words don't have power.  Words always have power.  The problem is that without a name attached, the individual who used them is relinquishing their power.  They take no ownership in their words, and are made weak by so doing. 

Do you hear that, Anonymous Cyberbully? You are weak.

There is a theory about bullying and power.  It is that those who bully feel powerless themselves, and so they target others that they perceive as weak in order to establish power for themselves. 

Do you think you are being my friend?  My friends are strong.  My friends know me.  My friends know they can talk to me about concerns.  My friends would sign their name. You are not my friend.

I am frankly familiar with bullying.  I remember the mean girls from elementary school, and their ridiculous games.  I can still hear the names that followed me around the hallways of my high school.  I can even name for you the adults who participated and contributed, and who impacted my sense of self in every way that they were not supposed to.  I remember their names because I learned that I don't have to believe them.  And I remember their names because I am learning to forgive them.

In spite of not knowing your name, I do want you to know some things about me.  I want you to know that I am strong.  Maybe I wasn't in high school, and those names hurt to the core.  But I am strong now.  I am strong enough to sign my name to whatever I write, and I am strong enough respond to you.

And I know that my body is not the ideal movie star or olympic body that the media tells me I am supposed to have.  You clearly think there is something wrong with me because of that.  But you are misinformed.  My body is strong.  I run 3 miles a day, I eat my veggies, and I sing with my whole core.  My lungs will produce a louder, longer, purer tone than most, I can run to class, hike up mountains, and dance ridiculously to a good beat as long as anyone else.  I will never be thin.  I will always be strong.

Beyond the physical traits that you so injuriously included in your message to me, you should know that I am strong beyond the reach of your words.  I have succeeded in acheiving everything I dreamed of as a child, and I succeeded early enough to create new dreams.  I am fulfilling those as well.  My goals reach far beyond your opinion of who I should be, and they will be accomplished without regard for your asinine approach. 

Your words do not impact my goals, they neither discourage me nor spur me onward.  Even if I someday choose to make thin-ness a goal, your words will not be what drive me towards it. 

Frankly, I have better concerns for my time.  We live in a world where souls balance on precarious boundaries.  While you blindly toss your brand of filth at those who surround you, I am using my strength to pull people from the muck.  It will take more than anonymous emails to hinder my efforts.

I would like to invite you to quietly remove yourself from my facebook list.  I do not think your version of friendship is healthy. I promise I will not scour my list to see who leaves.  I would guess that I won't even notice your absence.  If you ever become someone who would like to sign your name to your messages, look me up.  I will happily welcome you back. Until then, may you figure out how to have strength without tearing others apart.