On a positive note...

You should know that while am am snarky, sarcastic, frequently depressed, anxious, occasionally whiny, and openly negative about many things, I am not actually a negative person! It just occurred to me that much of what I post has some sort of a complaining spin to it, and that bugs me. I am by no means chipper, don't get me wrong. What I refer to as realism is often regarded by others as devoid of hope and just plain sad. But I really do have positive, hopeful things to say. I wonder if I just use up my quota of positive and bubbly statements while I talk to parents every day. You know that I have to spin everything to sound positive. Just imagine if I told them the truth! I would be out of a job in seconds. I can't say "you child is the most stubborn, controlling and manipulative 4 year old I have ever met." Instead, I grin and say "Wow, you will never have to worry about your little girl caving to peer pressure!" And instead of "Your two year old is a terrorist, he has bitten 3 children today, drew blood twice, and if I were you I would consider selling him to a jihadist organization." Instead, I say "Well, little Draco certainly knows what he wants out of life, and he is going to go after it until it is his!" And you really don't want to know what it means if a teacher tells you your child is "really smart" If the teacher stays generic, don't ask for more details.



But I digress.



I was going to tell you how good I feel today. Now that I have a ward, and therefore a chapel, I am able to practice again. Music withdrawl is no good for me. I have, for nearly 6 years now, been practicing the organ for at least an hour a day. Don't accuse me of holding out, I am terrible at it. My church leaders who take the time to chat with me about music will know that I can teach piano, I can play piano for some meetings, and I can even coach the piano to organ transition. But I cannot play for the big meeting. No way, ever. The skills are not there. I have the shoes, I have the books, I have the metronome, and I have no ability to time releases with my 3rd and 4th fingers, on both hands. This is essential in organ play. So last night, I went to the building, and very discreetly snuck into the chapel to practice. A dear friend of mine arranges hymns, and it is my dream to someday achieve playing something at a non-embarassing level. He sent me one of his new arrangements yesterday, and I was so excited to try, partly because it is one of my favorite hymns, partly because I haven't had consistent practice time for 6 weeks. I warmed up, and then I played for 90 minutes. Nobody interrupted, nobody criticized my terrible releases, nobody was better than me, nobody was worse than me, and most of all, I knew the text to every line of every hymn I played, and it felt great. Even the pre-set stops were decent enough for me to figure out the sound I wanted. (have I mentioned, I am terrible at registration as well?) The only reason I stopped was because it got dark outside, and since I couldn't find the light switches to the room, I was using an open window to read the music. Seriously, aren't light switches always by the doors? Not in this room. I checked in all the usual places, and in a few unusual places. There were no light switches in the room.


Light switch issues aside, I feel so much better now that I have practiced. I feel better that I am into a routine in my classroom. I feel better that the mysterious swelling in my feet has gone away. I feel better knowing that I can go back and practice again tonight. I even feel like I might be able to find the light switches. (And I know that it's a false hope that will only lead to anxiety, but who cares, I'm on a roll!)