If you can't say anything nice...

Yeah, I know I haven't really updated lately. And it's not because I don't have anything nice to say, its just that the nice things I do have to say are all related to my efforts to move forward, and since none of them have really come together yet, I didn't have anything nice that I could say. Plus, I have been putting a whole lot of time and effort into the plan, and that limits what I can devote to blog posting as well as what I can devote to having something worth posting.

Am I rambling yet? Are you keeping up?

I hope so, because here in the middle of the muddled mess is where I may reveal more about my plans. So here i am going to throw together some random events over the last few days. Make of it all what you will. I still haven't made sense of all of it.

My poor Mathilda overheated on the freeway on Friday. She had smoke coming out of her hood and had to be towed to a shop where she sits forlornly in the parking lot, waiting for them to have a look at her on Monday. The thing is, radiator issues combined with the 100+ heat at noon on Friday make me worry that the engine has seized. I am trying to plan for worst case scenario.

While walking to the grocery store last night, I saw a semi make a U-turn in the middle of my tiny residential street. It was fascinating. I kid you not, I stopped and watched. They did it in about 90 seconds, stopping to back up once in the entire turn. My car doesn't even turn that well. (And she didn't before she died on the freeway either)

At work they are re-arranging classroom assignments for the fall and my boss needs to know what my plans are so she will know where she can place me in a classroom. Since my plan at that point was extremely unstable, she simply placed me in a "classroom float" position, meaning I will not have my own class, but will go from room to room offering prep time and lunch breaks to people. One hour in each classroom every day, a nomad. I hated when I did it before, but right now I am so burnt out from lesson plans and portfolios that I am actually looking forward to it.

The float position has the option of going part time. Which would greatly ease my schedule in order to return to school.

I also have job interviews lined up at the local community college. Where I will be attending in the fall. Of course, if those come together, then I get to quit my current job.

While Mathilda is in the shop, my friend Greg has offered me the use of his car. (He currently isn't allowed to drive due to some, uhhhh... legal issues.) It's not the most reliable car, seeing as its a few years old. Well more than a few years. It's a '62 corvair. That's right. Classic. And oh so cute. So what if it doesn't start all the time?

The kids in my class are starting to leave for kindergarten. Their fancy private schools start a bit earlier and some of them are going on one last trip to Hawaii before the school year starts. (Is it fair that 4 year olds have seen more of the world than me? No, I don't think so) Anyways, some of my favorites are already leaving, and its just a little heartbreaking. Of course, some of the most frustrating children will be here up until the very last day possible, but if all goes according to plan, I won't be there, so I'm not going to complain about that too much.

There you have it. Did you catch the tidbits? Was it too tid-bitty?

Well then here it is in its whole. I am returning to school in the fall as a full time student. I am currently registered for 20 credit hours (with the flexibility to pare it down to 16) and will be working part time as well. And I plan to continue with the Utah Opera. I will have to if I am going to pay rent. I am going to Salt Lake Community College in order to take the pre-requisites I need in order to get into a Master's Program. I am going to become a full time student again, and will remain that way for 3 years (if all goes according to plan). I have done the math, and I won't be able to afford food or clothes for the next 3 years, but should manage to make rent and utilities just fine. And if my car is really dead, then I will have to do it car-less. And if my car isn't dead, I will probably do it mostly car-less anyways, since gas money usually comes out of the food budget. (Those plans are still hanging in the balance, although Ann Marie and I do have a sort of a plan...) I am not going into a music program, and won't actually divulge program information until I am accepted into one. Not because I feel like stubbornly holding out on information, but because I hate telling people when I have failed at something, and so I still prefer to pretend as if nothing happened until success has happened. And by the way, if you compare my class schedule to the list of classes I want to take someday, you will find that not a single one of them is on the list. Sad. But somehow I am still excited about it.

I assure you, this all makes sense in my mind, even i it doesn't make sense when I write it down or explain it to people. Which is the opposite of how I usually function.

And while I apologize for the boring quality of this post, I don't apologize for its disorganized state. Because without all the pieces, it's just not going to fit together yet, but that won't stop me from moving forward, since the only other option is to stay put and stay miserable. There is no gain without risk, and there is no joy in mediocrity.