Perusing the news, one dissappointment at a time.

Scientists have now observed that monkey moms teach their monkey babies how to floss their teeth. It's the first time that any creature other than a human has been documented teaching another creature how to use a tool. I know quite a few moms that could profit from observing the monkeys. No matter what you pay (and you don't pay me enough) it's not my job to teach morals, cleanliness, or religion to your child. You don't even pay me enough to teach them social skills, reading, and manners. I do that for my own sanity, and in the hopes that the world will end up a better place. Unfortunately, my heart and hopes break down a little more every time one of those children quotes the movie "Jackass" or screams at a fellow 4-yr-old to get out of their way. No matter what you are doing, you are teaching your child how to do it.

Speaking of parenting skills, a mother in AZ was caught on surveillance tape outside a convenience store helping her teenaged daughter to beat up a fellow classmate. Apparently, mom held the other girl down while daughter took swings. Both are being held pending a trial. I say mom should serve prison terms for both her offenses as well as her daughter's. And the daughter should be placed in good foster care and re-educated by a mother that actually loves her.

Meanwhile back at the camp (wall street, that is, money news, and by "camp" I mean the place where people live in cardboard boxes and forage for food), 355 people in this world are no longer billionaires. I have a hard time feeling bad for them. I'm sure it must be rough, getting used to being a billionaire and all, then having to drop down to only having $999 million. Bill Gates actually lost $18 billion, but still got his spot as #1 richest back, since Warren Buffet died. What must it be like to lose more money in a year than I will see in a lifetime? Bernard Madoff is expected to plead guilty and spend 150 years in prison, while everyone's money that he stole collects dust in offshore bank accounts. The former models and film stars that he stole from are going to have to give up their Manhattan flats and they just want him to "give it back". It must be horrible for the poor little rich people to have to face living from month to month like the rest of us, maybe they should find an entry level position and start pitching in. Frankly, part of the economy's problem is the number of people who have been doing no work at all and simply sitting on their money. At least Bill Gates came by his fortune through hard work and honest...... uhh... ok, really? I think they all should get jobs at McDonalds.

Speaking of riches, Michael Vick's house didn't even get enough offers to actually go to auction. This story occipied a full 45 seconds of my time this morning on a radio program before I got irritated and switched back to the BBC. It affects me how?

Veggie lovers beware, pepper purchasers in NYC discovered that baggies of cocaine had been smuggled into the country inside their produce. Talk about a 79 cent investment turning up something with street value. I always said those things are bad for you.

HBO is apparently airing an episode of "Big Love" that will include portions of the Temple Ceremony. The church has an official statement available on it's website, including the counsel that a boycott would only inspire more interest and members can choose what to do about it themselves. HBO claims that they hired a consultant that was familiar with the ritual in order to ensure respect and accuracy. Frankly, anyone who wants to ensure accuracy and respect would never allow themselves to be hired onto the project, so it will be interesting to see how it all turns out. I would probably be more affected by this if I still lived in Minnesota, but I do know that several of my co-wokers here gather to watch the show as well. I am a bit intrigued as to how they will respond. Just be prepared to answer questions, I suppose, since that's what we're told to do anyways. The actual ceremony is all over the place online, my concern is that now it is being opened up to people who aren't passionate enough to research things themselves. Talk about influencing the masses, now there will be a whole slew of people with new-found opinions that HBO told them to have. But what's so new about that?

Oh yeah, and how can I forget Washington? Our new president seems to be pretty gung-ho for education, right? I mean, all that talk about no more dropouts and a year of college for everyone. Of course, then he goes and decides that teachers should be paid according to performance, and claims that it "works". Now, if you understand the way economics and demographics come together in the education system, then you will see that all that performance pay does to schools is encourage good teachers to move to wealthy schools where children have study time and acccess to resources instead of inner city schools where students have to face violence and lack of resources. My guess would have been that a minority from Chicago would understand that. Oh yeah, he sends his kids to private school. (Unless by "performance pay" he means paying public school teachers they way pro-sports figures are paid, at which point I say perform away! And good luck coming up with the funds for the number of amazing teachers there are out there.) I know, I know, I was thrilled with the turnout of the elections. Lesser of the two evils, I say, and I'm sure he's doing the best he can with the advice and experience he's got. There are bound to be things that I agree with and disagree with. I just can't figure out why the press is only reporting on things like "Brad Pitt's visit" and "Oprah's Visit" and "Michelle's fabulous arms". Do you think that if we started talking about things that mattered, maybe more people would be educated on the issues, including the President himself?


But my most very favoritest story of the day is out of Texas, where Chuck Norris has declared that if Texas secedes from the Union, he would like to be President. That's right, folks, Chuck Norris for President of Texas. Apparently, according to Chuck, there are thousands of people in Texas already talking secession, since the economy has made the Union itself the number one enemy of, well, the Union. And his message is clear, other states are welcome to follow suit, but he is only willing to be president of Texas. After all, even Chuck Norris can only handle one presidency at a time. (Although I'm sure he would consider annexing Oklahoma, if they asked really nicely. They would be easy enough to handle, they haven't made a squeak since getting rid of the Unibomber.) I'm so grateful to Chuck for publicizing this option! Can you imagine the possibilities? The Dakota's could merge and become "South Canada"! Florida could call itself "The Nation of DisneyWorld and some swampland and trailer parks" (the title is kind of long, we'll ask the Gator congress to vote on a shorter version) The states that line up from Louisianna to Minnesota, forming the Baker-man shape on the map could become a nation unto themselves. I don't care what they call themselves, as long as their slogan is "We've got corn! (and Brangelina... I mean New Orleans)" California would have no problems at all becoming a nation unto itself (probably fewer problems than Texas, actually), and when it falls into the ocean, fewer people will notice. Nevada will still be Nevada, and Washington and Oregon can finally allow their tree-hugging hippies to legalize pot, drastically improving Starbucks appeal, and becoming the "Amsterdam of the Americas". As for me, I'll just move back to Paris. Their economy has been like this for years, but the French are reasonable enough to keep Bretagne attached (despite Bretagne's objections) and keep Gerard Depardieu out of their politics.