Cousin Conference Play by Play

*Names will be changed to protect the innocent from family gossip repercussions*

*This is a less than reverant approach, I recognize that. If you want my honest and spiritual opinio on things, you should either talk to me in person or steal my journal. I don't feel inclined to post that stuff here.

You have already had to suffer through my conference music notes once, I won't make you do it again. But I would love to share a little bit more of the conference experience with you all. I have the lucky advantage of being able to choose how I watch conference. I am not bound to "helping" children learn how to sit through it, so I get to pay attention the whole time (yes, I am counting my blessings) and here in UT, you can pretty much see it or hear it anywhere but a local chapel. There is a world of possibilities. Today I chose the cousin conference experience. I had to swing down to Salem this morning for a visit, and after that I headed up to watch conference in Provo. For the purpose of this blog, we shall call her Cousin P'Ally*. We have another cousin in town who, for the purpose of the blog, shall be called B'Kristen*. (It's easier to pronounce if you make the "K" silent). Pally is married to Porrin, and together they are very snuggley and talk in fun voices. I am not quite sure why I can handle it coming from them, but I can. It is in no way too cute or lovey for me, probably because they really do like each other and are pretty good at being funny. Pally is one of the classy cousins. Bristen is one of the pretty cousins. No that they aren't both classy and pretty (and smart like some of the other cousins, and spiritual like some of the other cousins) it's just important for everyone to know how my brain processes them. And my whole life I have been told about how Pally's family was ultra classy and Bristen's family was gorgeous. By the way, I am "Sweet Spirit Cousin", if that gives you any clue what my own standing is in the social hierarchy.

Where were we? Ah yes, having conference weekend....

I love conference weekend. I prepare for it with grocery trips and a new notebook and new fun pens and then I end up typing things anyways but it doesn't matter I still get the notebook and pens. And the grocery trip is for treats and in between session meals and filling for the crepes. Because part of conference is eating a ridiculous amount of really yummy things. I learned that when I turned 8 and Dad took me out for ice cream after the Saturday sessions because I was the only kid that went with him to it. A very important lesson learned, conference is for treats. This is in fact one concern I have about eventually singing with The Choir. If I am singing in the choir the whole weekend, how will I get to enjoy conference. Will they let me have treats? If I sneak them into conference, will they be confiscated? I probably should not be littering the floor with pistachio shell, so those will be out. Will M&Ms be too crunchy? wil 14 million people be distracted when I try to tear open a package of gummy bears and there is that plastic crinckly sound before the package bursts open, flinging red and green Haribos at the whole of church leadership? A girl could lose sleep over such things!

Not to worry yet. Today, it was just the cousins, so bear explosion concerns can wait for at least another 6 months.

I left Salem later than I expected to, so I was late to the cousin abode. I arrived just as the choir was singing Israel Israel God is Calling. I purposefully waited in my car through the first verse because I didn't want to miss the slow build to the key change in this arrangement. The men of the choir did a nice job with it. I ran as quick as I could, like a conference bunny, up to the door as soon as the verse was through, so I wouldn't miss any of the good stuff. At the cousin house, everyone was comfortable watching with their conference packet. Porrin had the bingo sheet, Pally had some markers and a CTR page, and Bristen was anxiously waiting to document the neckties of every authority. A sense of anticipation was hanging in the air. When Elder Hales got up to speak, his tie was a fantastic black tie with white polka dots that was strongly reminiscent of the ties worn at Pally and Porrin's wedding. A good omen. Bristen did a beautiful job illustrating it. Next up was a nice lady from the Primary Presidency. No necktie, just pearls. We expressed our dissappointment.

As the session went on, we notices a bit of a trend in the ties. There were maily checkered or polka dotted. Stripes were rare, red was common, and tiny patterns were preferred. I am noting this here for several purposes. First, because necktie discussion was part of the experience. Second, because I know of at least one man who copies the GAs on their choice of neckties. There must be more out there, and now they have the info recorded if they happen to need it.

Towards the end of the session, we were running low on gas. Pally had taken to tormenting Porrin who was drifting in and out of consciousness and saying amusing things and I had pulled some solitaire up on the computer and Bristen was still dutifully documenting ties and topics. She should be the spiritual one, perhaps. As soon as the session ended, we were stretching an collecting our wits about us in order to create food. Porrin left for a haircut while we began constructing crepes. Bristen did a fancy decorative cut on the avacados. It was lovely. I filled a crepe with Nutella and bananas. Other people ate some stuff. I filled a crepe with cheese and bacon and avacados. Porrin returned with a haircut, Pally filled some more crepes, everyone ate and was filled. With 10 minutes before the next session, construction began on a fort. You know, the kind you built as a child out of bedsheets and overturned furniture? Consider for a moment. Now that you are a grown up, you can still make them, but you are srtong enough to really move the furniture, and you can leave it up for as long as you want! Why are you still sitting here? Go build a fort!

The fort was still under construction as the session began. A random boy had shown up to help out. It was nearing completion during the opening song. We paused for the prayer while holding up various fort parts. It was completed by the time the sustainings began. We sat beneath it and got comfortable. Just as Elder Ballard was finishing his talk, Pally pointed out that in true for fashion, we needed to turn out the lights and light some candles. Soon we were sitting by the light of the TV and a red scented candle.

"We are warming ourselves by the light of the gospel" Said Pally. Perhaps she should be the spiritual one.

Meanwhile, Random Boy who was joining us for the second session had joined the bingo card contingent. For some reason, both he and Porrin seem to think that a mention of missionaries is the same thing as a mention of baptisms. They both served in South America. Random Boy also informed us that Bingo is WAAAAY, more fun if yo mix the letters up and call it "Boing".

Elder Cook finished speaking.

"Although I am feeling kind of cold" Pally was continuing her statement from earlier on.

"They all have red ties on today"

Intermediate hymn! Let us all press on. Random Boy is concerned about his Boing Board. He also make a really funny joke about communists. I had to control myself to keep from continuing the snicker.

We are starting into the seventh inning stretch. The 20 minutes after the intermediate hymn of the afternoon session. This is the hardest part of conference to get through. Just as we are asking each other who the guy is that is speaking, he says "Distraction and lack of focus are satan's most effective tools"

Oops. Re-focus.

Suddenly, in the middle of Elder Nelson's talk, we hear "I got one! It's my first Boing of the day!"

What a grand experience. I am learning very quickly that I don't feel like I have really had a weekend unless I have spent at least some of it with friends. And laughing. I can spend all day Saturday cleaning and grocery shopping and getting ready for another week, but if I don't laugh with friends for a good part of it, then I can never be ready for work on Monday.

Would you like to hear more? It will come... It will come.