Scoop Night, Miss USA, and Swine Flu

I bet you never thought those would fit together in a sentence. You are correct, they don't. That's just the title of this blog post which is in fact three short posts crammed together. None of them are really worth an entire entry in and of themselves, but put them together and you have a smorgasborg of fun. Or at least a ward pot luck of fun, which is not quite as fun or as trustworthy as a smorgasborg, but still amusing in and of itself. Provided you know the ward members well enough to trust their cooking. Which also applies here. Do you know me well enough to trust what my brain is cooking?

*Pause*

This is making me hungry, excuse me a moment while I go heat up last night's spaghetti.

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OK. I'm back.

Although I am not sure why I should be hungry. Since tonight was Scoop Night at Baskin Robbins! Do you know what that is? I will tell you. It is when you are minding your own business, driving home from work, when you get a hankering for an ice cream cone, and you think to yourself Why would I stop for one when I have Ice Cream at home in the Freezer?

But then another part of your brain, a needy and demanding part of your brain, reminds you that the flavor of the month at the Baskin Robbins on the way home from work is Chocolate with M&Ms and cookie dough in it. Now if you could invent a flavor of Ice Cream that screams my name, what would it have in it? That's right. Chocolate with M&Ms and Cookie Dough. And maybe a blend of cake batter or amaretto, but I can't ask for everything at Baskin Robbins. Only at coldstone. At any rate, Needy Demanding Voice wins enough of the argument to get me to change lanes and peer longingly at the Baskin Robbins that I am about to drive past.

What does the sign say? Oh MY. I may have possibly almost caused a collision. Let's find out what Scoop Night means.

It means 31 cents for a scoop of Ice Cream. And not only that, the scoop doesn't just come handed to you in a bowl or on a napkin. Oh No. They give it to you in a cone. (Which I always try to do anyways, since it is more environmentally friendly to get a scoop of ice cream in a cone than in a waxy processed and possibly styrofoam cup. You understand it's about saving the earth, right?) AND it's not just any cone. No, its a sugar cone. Not one of those cheesy squarish cake cones. At Baskin Robbins, your two basic cone vareities are interchangeable. I can remember as a child longing for the picture perfect triangle shaped sugar cone, but alas it cost more, and so I had to settle for the cake cone. Now that I am grown, I take great pleasure in purchasing sugar cones whenever possible.

And that, my friends is Scoop Night. I hope it happens again. There is so much more hope in a world where Ice Cream cones cost 31 cents.

Next up: Miss USA. Yes, I recognize the ridiculousness of the pageantry. In fact, that's why I have to acknowledge it. And I acknowledge it with some risk. I love the movie Miss Congeniality. I also love most of my roomies that have participated in and won pageants. You might notice I said most. I struggle a little with the one that was runner up to Miss Teen USA (She was insufferable, and practically slept with that damned crown on, even if it was so many years earlier.) But the rest of them, that primarily competed in small town pageants that really did exist purely as scholarship programs, those roomies I love to bits. And I know that they recognize the ridiculousness of the pageantry as well. But all the uproar over Miss USA has me laughing a bit. Sure it was wrong that Miss CA lost simply for stating her opinion. And it becomes even more wrong if you happen to agree with her opinion. But there is something we are all forgetting here. You and I know that beauty queens aren't supposed to have opinions or thoughts of their own. The whole point is that they are a reflection of society's ideal. Or rather of what the media says that society's ideal should be. They are raised and trained to look like the media wants us to look, and to act the way the media wants us to act, and to think what the media tells us to think. She managed to be 6 feet tall, 98 pound, blond, and probably sang a country song or played a cliche classical piano piece quite nicely, she probably looked just curvy enough in her bikini since curves are coming back, she got those answers right. But in fact, she got the question portion wrong. If she wanted a scholarship for thinking, she should have chosen some other contest (They have those too you know). After all, the rest of the Miss USA contest makes no bones about superficiality. If they wanted her real opinion or thoughts on the issue, they would have had a "Celebrity Blogger" with a pseudonym that mocks the most worthless piece of white trash to hit the tabloids this century be the judge. If they wanted contestants to think for themselves, the judge's panel would have consisted of Harvard educated PhDs and Larry King or Brian Williams (Oh Brian Williams, so very handsome. I would enter a pageant if he was a judge, just so I could shake his hand, get my picture taken with him, and possibly even beg a kiss on the cheek.) Then again, the big news stories surrounding the candidates America does want to think for themselves still revolved around swimsuit photos (remember the president's abs?) and song and dance (around political issues) So I suppose it makes sense that people suddenly care what Miss USA thinks. After all, they care more about what Mel Gibson and George Clooney think than they do what the Surgeon General and their local auto mechanic think, and I can tell you who should matter more.

I guess I'm just saying, the first rule in entertainment is to know your audience. Go ahead and be outraged that she was slighted, but don't accuse the media conglomerate of dishonesty. You knew what they wanted, and so did she. Perhaps that is why she deserves accolades. Maybe she had just enough guts and brains to know exactly what she is doing, and maybe she said to herself "If lying about my personal belief system is what it takes, then it's not worth it." Which is far more honorable than gaining the crown.

:) just my opposing viewpoint. but I might also just be bitter that I'm not the 98 pound 6 ft blond that can play a classical piece on the piano and looks just curvy enough in a bikini.
If you are reading this and you feel inclined to try to argue with me about it, don't bother. I barely cared enough about Miss USA to write this much. (Actually what I really cared about what posting the opposing viewpoint to Jessica's Blog entry, purely for the sake of debate. Ha! Now you'll never know what I really think!)


Oh, Hang on, the garlic bread is finally warm....
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Finally, about the swine flu. I don't have it. Yet. But last Thursday my roomie got back from Mexico, and then last Friday they started talking about it, and Last Saturday they quarrantined the cathedrals/schools/towns that she had been in, and last Sunday some of her fellow students that she traveled with started feeling feverish and nauseated. Well, wouldn't you have a bout of hypochondria if you just got back from ground zero of the world's first pandemic in 24 years?

Unfortunately, I have to admit to you, my audience, that I am a little disappointed that I haven't even suffered the slightest respiratory ailment. There would be so many advantages to being diagnosed with swine flu right now. Not the least of which is time off while I have several big projects I could work on at home. Actually the least of the advantages would be being able to brag about being Utah's patient number whatever. How cool is that! And somewhere in between least and greatest is the opportunity to meet new people and make friends with other patients in quarantine, not to mention the possibility of attractive single male doctors. Swine flu is sounding better and better. I am going to grab the straw from her soda last night in order to drink this water....